Poor people.

As many of you may know, I am an ardent industrialist and wealthy capitalist entrepreneur. I have built my business empire on the back of those who we know only as the poor. This underclass, while often talked about is actually not well known to anyone, so I have taken the liberty of describing these noble people to those of us unaffiliated with them. I will state common misconceptions about the poor, and then systematically destroy these preconceived notions through sound logic.

Misconception #1: The poor are just like us.

The truth: The poor are not just like us. They tend to have a distinct odor which I believe comes from swollen glands, a condition usually associated with the consumption of wonder bread and government cheese. They are also incapable, both physically and mentally of dealing with the strain of communicating with the GPS in a Bentley, or even a BMW 7-series.

Misconception #2: The poor are poor because the society we live in has created exploitative systems which do nothing but undermine their ability to become prosperous.

The truth: The truth is that the poor are poor because they are probably immigrants. I mean there are like 40 million immigrants in the United States and there are also like 35 million poor people. This must mean that all poor people are immigrants, but not all immigrants are poor. The logic looks like this. A = B, which means that B =! A, which obviously means that A and B = C. If you are unfamiliar with the rigidity of logic, you should assume that you could be one of them.

Misconception #3: Poverty is a cycle that is incredibly hard to break.

The truth: Poverty is not a cycle, poverty is hereditary. The top scientists of the nation of Tuvalu, world famous for its internet domain name, have concluded that there is a gene which does not allow certain people to become wealthy. Gene therapy is available, granted that the Russians can collect enough unborn Chinese immigrant stem cells to create a viable colony.

Misconception #4 If we only begin to redistribute wealth the poor would all become wealthy.

The hereditary genetic inferiority of the poor would never allow them to become wealthy. They would undoubtedly squander money, even if it is freely given to them, on trivial matters such as food and healthcare for their kids. This would only propagate their inferior genetic stock.

What is to be done?

The poor are as you can see a necessary evil. They exist in a fashion that is unfit for the dogs in some of our homes. There must be a way to make them more docile. I recommend that we implement massive social engineering. It is necessary to make them believe that they too can become as prosperous as us. I will delegate this matter to PR.

Thank you for your time.